Class of 2008
When I explain my depression to people, I usually compare it to the ocean.
I graduated from high school in Fairfax County, Virginia in 2008, but the number of suicides in recent years has struck me deeply. I have a sibling who transferred to a different school after being bullied by classmates in middle school. I usually try not to remember what it was like for me going through high school because most of my memories of it are terrible.
In addition to being under enormous pressure from my parents and society in general to get into a good college, and get good grades, and take multiple AP classes, and participate in extracurricular activities, I was also struggling internally with something that made just getting out of bed in the morning a challenge. I was officially diagnosed with severe clinical depression when I was 16 or 17 (it’s now better known as major depressive disorder). I'm incredibly lucky to have parents who recognized that something was really wrong, and who took me to get help. I feel like most teens get told that it's 'just a phase' or it's 'teen angst' but it can be very real and very debilitating, and when no one takes notice, it can be very hard to just make it through the day. Unless you’ve actually struggled with it, most people don’t realize just how crippling it can be.
Depression is something I still struggle with on a daily basis, although at this point medication and experience have made it easier to handle. I think the only real outlet I had during high school was art. I looked at my high school transcripts recently and art classes were the only classes I received 'A's' in during my junior and senior year. I remember spending most of lunch in the art room working on things for AP art or portfolio prep. When I went home I shut myself in my room and made art. It was really the only thing that made me feel better - at least until the meds started kicking in.
I think most of my friends and teachers ignored what was happening (or just didn’t realize something was going on). I lost a ton of weight, was having trouble sleeping, and was pretty miserable most of the time, but no one ever really said anything, or even asked if I was okay. I feel like mental illness and suicide are still very much taboo subjects, and no one wants to have that conversation with a friend who is struggling, even though a simple ‘You okay?’ can make the day better. I did think about suicide, when I was at my worst, although I never went through with it. I don't usually admit it to anyone, but it definitely crossed my mind. (I actually remember several peers in my math class telling me to go kill myself because I was being emo. Those are the exact words they used.)
My parents, even though they recognized a problem, and got me medical help, rarely broached the subject of suicide or self-harm. The only person who ever did that was my psychologist, who I was lucky enough to have. Even though I was vehemently against sharing anything with him in the beginning, having someone who could tell me what was happening to me, and who was just willing to listen (or talk, when I didn’t want to) was incredibly soothing. One of the things that still comforts me to this day, is something that my psychologist told me. He would constantly remind me that ‘it won’t last forever’, and he was right – it doesn’t.
When I explain my depression to people, I usually compare it to the ocean. It comes in waves, and sometimes it drags you down, and threatens to suffocate you, but it always lets you go. The tide will always go out. I think for some people, high school can be viewed the same way – it won’t last forever.
You do whatever it takes to graduate, and then you get out, and it gets better. The world is really, REALLY big, and there is a place for you in it. When I graduated high school I had a very low GPA (I think it was hovering around a 2.6), I had no honors or extracurricular titles attached to me (except for art), and I was at the most unhealthy point I've ever been in my life (I weighed a whopping 113 lbs.) But I graduated, and I moved out of Fairfax, and I went to college. While college still definitely had its challenges and struggles, I began to actually focus on my future. I was able to make new friends, and meet new people, and discover things that give my life meaning. For me, the secret to my happiness has been taking my medication and working with special needs (behaviorally and medically challenged) rescue dogs.
If you are struggling with depression, it’s okay to admit you need help. Seeking professional help, or taking anti-depressants doesn’t make you weak or inferior. Depression is a flaw in your chemistry, not your character. For people who have trouble voicing their problems or worries out loud, this website is anonymous and uses instant messaging, and provides a good alternative to regular help lines. (https://www.imalive.org)
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
When I explain my depression to people, I usually compare it to the ocean.
I graduated from high school in Fairfax County, Virginia in 2008, but the number of suicides in recent years has struck me deeply. I have a sibling who transferred to a different school after being bullied by classmates in middle school. I usually try not to remember what it was like for me going through high school because most of my memories of it are terrible.
In addition to being under enormous pressure from my parents and society in general to get into a good college, and get good grades, and take multiple AP classes, and participate in extracurricular activities, I was also struggling internally with something that made just getting out of bed in the morning a challenge. I was officially diagnosed with severe clinical depression when I was 16 or 17 (it’s now better known as major depressive disorder). I'm incredibly lucky to have parents who recognized that something was really wrong, and who took me to get help. I feel like most teens get told that it's 'just a phase' or it's 'teen angst' but it can be very real and very debilitating, and when no one takes notice, it can be very hard to just make it through the day. Unless you’ve actually struggled with it, most people don’t realize just how crippling it can be.
Depression is something I still struggle with on a daily basis, although at this point medication and experience have made it easier to handle. I think the only real outlet I had during high school was art. I looked at my high school transcripts recently and art classes were the only classes I received 'A's' in during my junior and senior year. I remember spending most of lunch in the art room working on things for AP art or portfolio prep. When I went home I shut myself in my room and made art. It was really the only thing that made me feel better - at least until the meds started kicking in.
I think most of my friends and teachers ignored what was happening (or just didn’t realize something was going on). I lost a ton of weight, was having trouble sleeping, and was pretty miserable most of the time, but no one ever really said anything, or even asked if I was okay. I feel like mental illness and suicide are still very much taboo subjects, and no one wants to have that conversation with a friend who is struggling, even though a simple ‘You okay?’ can make the day better. I did think about suicide, when I was at my worst, although I never went through with it. I don't usually admit it to anyone, but it definitely crossed my mind. (I actually remember several peers in my math class telling me to go kill myself because I was being emo. Those are the exact words they used.)
My parents, even though they recognized a problem, and got me medical help, rarely broached the subject of suicide or self-harm. The only person who ever did that was my psychologist, who I was lucky enough to have. Even though I was vehemently against sharing anything with him in the beginning, having someone who could tell me what was happening to me, and who was just willing to listen (or talk, when I didn’t want to) was incredibly soothing. One of the things that still comforts me to this day, is something that my psychologist told me. He would constantly remind me that ‘it won’t last forever’, and he was right – it doesn’t.
When I explain my depression to people, I usually compare it to the ocean. It comes in waves, and sometimes it drags you down, and threatens to suffocate you, but it always lets you go. The tide will always go out. I think for some people, high school can be viewed the same way – it won’t last forever.
You do whatever it takes to graduate, and then you get out, and it gets better. The world is really, REALLY big, and there is a place for you in it. When I graduated high school I had a very low GPA (I think it was hovering around a 2.6), I had no honors or extracurricular titles attached to me (except for art), and I was at the most unhealthy point I've ever been in my life (I weighed a whopping 113 lbs.) But I graduated, and I moved out of Fairfax, and I went to college. While college still definitely had its challenges and struggles, I began to actually focus on my future. I was able to make new friends, and meet new people, and discover things that give my life meaning. For me, the secret to my happiness has been taking my medication and working with special needs (behaviorally and medically challenged) rescue dogs.
If you are struggling with depression, it’s okay to admit you need help. Seeking professional help, or taking anti-depressants doesn’t make you weak or inferior. Depression is a flaw in your chemistry, not your character. For people who have trouble voicing their problems or worries out loud, this website is anonymous and uses instant messaging, and provides a good alternative to regular help lines. (https://www.imalive.org)
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
