Class of 2004
The problem was that because I didn’t have “my” group of friends, I therefore didn’t have a seat, or a place to be.
My High School Experience
I was really involved in school with many clubs, many sports (soccer, track, tennis, etc.), volunteering, and competing in every academic competition that I could (science fairs, history fairs, collegiate writing contests, etc.) … etc. etc. etc.
Truthfully, I loved being in the classroom – I always was raising my hand, and was excited to learn. I was one of the lucky ones… I was an A student, super involved, an overachiever, happy on the outside… I never did drugs, and thankfully didn’t have anything too hard to overcome… But I did have a secret. I dreaded lunchtime.
It wasn’t because of eating. I love food. It was because I didn’t know where to sit. It sounds perhaps ridiculous but it was –so- incredibly –overwhelmingly- uncomfortable… that it is hard for me to describe the feeling adequately in words. I didn’t have “my” group of friends.
I always tried to remain positive in high school. Growing up, I moved around a lot because my dad was in the military and I learned how to adapt and get along with lots of different people. But in reality, I was not really close to anyone. I could smile and strike up small talk but, lunch was such an awkward time, because I didn’t fit into any one box – any one category of friends – any one label – or any one clique. And truthfully I didn’t want to be in any one separate group. But the problem was that because I didn’t have “my” group of friends - I therefore didn’t have a seat, or a place to be.
I wish people from different “social circles” could really have had a chance to mix. I can’t really recall many situations where that was possible at my high school… and I think perhaps this is fairly common in most high schools. People are insecure so they stick with the people they have. But if people don’t have other people to stick with – I think it would be very easy to become depressed. In my case, maybe I was too busy trying to keep myself busy. But… the one time I couldn’t keep myself busy was lunchtime where everyone was “supposed” to sit with “their” clan.
I know many people have very, very, very hard times in high school but as I reflect I do wonder how many students felt the same anxiety everyday when the lunch bell rang - for the same exact reason.
Thankfully, I discovered the art room. My art teacher allowed and encouraged the seniors in AP art to come to the art room during lunch and I can’t put into words or begin to describe the feeling of immense comfort. I had a place. I had a place to be. AND this place was somewhere that I could create, pursue a passion, and feel accepted. I was able to get lost in the paint and not feel lost in dodging tables of tight groups of friends, who knew each other for years, unpacking their lunch bags and laughing at what they did over the weekend together. Having a place to be, meant that I began to eagerly anticipate that same exact lunch bell that I had dreaded for years before.
My Suggestion for a Solution
I think it would be wonderful to set aside some tables in the cafeteria with little “Reserved” signs and these tables would be for people who want to get to know other people!!! People who want to talk and enjoy good conversation and be there for others. Teachers or any staff members could sit there perhaps too! Maybe there are adults who feel the same way – or maybe there are members of the administration who want to connect more with the high schoolers? They could go sit at one of these tables once a week… exchange ideas, talk, laugh, learn… and feel comfortable because each person would sit at those tables by choice.
I can only assume that someone who considers suicide – would feel alone – perhaps emotionless, like nothing matters, and in every sense of the word – disconnected.
What if there was a space where people could go if they wanted to connect. Really what if there were places where people who just wanted to talk could go.
Or, what if there was a room in the high school dedicated to positivity. With so many stresses and so much negativity – what if there was a space in the school where perhaps art was done by students and music with positive lyrics sung by students would play, and where students could go to share their talents… and where tests, college-talk, and stereotypes were considered taboo topics. This would be a place where students could go to refresh, reflect, and breathe. How beautiful would that be? A place dedicated to happiness and to remember what life is really about.
Please Know: It’s not always the sad-looking student
High school is an awkward time for most people. And sometimes the people who from a distance look like everything is going well… have simply perfected putting a smile on their face (a mask of sorts) while holding in the rushing feeling of anxiety– every day at the same exact time – for me it was the lunch bell.
There were times I didn’t know who to talk to between classes, too. It seemed like everyone had their tight group of people near their lockers. I would just go into the bathroom when I didn’t know what to do to pass the time, which was quiet often. It became a safe place where I could talk with other girls waiting in line. Wouldn’t it be wonderful - if there was a room or a garden or a known place where people could go – if they had no other place to go? And this place would be dedicated to getting to know other students – no matter their social circles. Where people could go by choice – oh my gosh - I would have eaten that up. Instead, I wore a mask of a smile and walked the hallways in zigzag patterns so that I wouldn’t have to stand at my locker alone… I wonder how many of my classmates were weaving my school's hallways at the same time because they didn’t want to stand by themselves in front of their locker, all alone, and feel as though they had no place to be.
What Now?
School Leaders - Please make a table or two for students like me. It would be so easy. It would cost nothing. Simply put a “Reserved Table” sign up, make an announcement to make student aware, and allow students to take a seat, eat and meet.
School Leaders- Please make a room, a space for students to simply “be”. In this room there could be stationery to write to classmates and teachers. There could be a list of projects to sign up for/to volunteer for. There could be music by the school’s student musicians and art by the school’s student artists. There could be a compliment wall where students could leave anonymous compliments to others. There could be yoga mats. The possibilities are endless and the potential for making students’ days I believe is evident – which is exactly why every school should do it.
Please, give students a place to be.
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
The problem was that because I didn’t have “my” group of friends, I therefore didn’t have a seat, or a place to be.
My High School Experience
I was really involved in school with many clubs, many sports (soccer, track, tennis, etc.), volunteering, and competing in every academic competition that I could (science fairs, history fairs, collegiate writing contests, etc.) … etc. etc. etc.
Truthfully, I loved being in the classroom – I always was raising my hand, and was excited to learn. I was one of the lucky ones… I was an A student, super involved, an overachiever, happy on the outside… I never did drugs, and thankfully didn’t have anything too hard to overcome… But I did have a secret. I dreaded lunchtime.
It wasn’t because of eating. I love food. It was because I didn’t know where to sit. It sounds perhaps ridiculous but it was –so- incredibly –overwhelmingly- uncomfortable… that it is hard for me to describe the feeling adequately in words. I didn’t have “my” group of friends.
I always tried to remain positive in high school. Growing up, I moved around a lot because my dad was in the military and I learned how to adapt and get along with lots of different people. But in reality, I was not really close to anyone. I could smile and strike up small talk but, lunch was such an awkward time, because I didn’t fit into any one box – any one category of friends – any one label – or any one clique. And truthfully I didn’t want to be in any one separate group. But the problem was that because I didn’t have “my” group of friends - I therefore didn’t have a seat, or a place to be.
I wish people from different “social circles” could really have had a chance to mix. I can’t really recall many situations where that was possible at my high school… and I think perhaps this is fairly common in most high schools. People are insecure so they stick with the people they have. But if people don’t have other people to stick with – I think it would be very easy to become depressed. In my case, maybe I was too busy trying to keep myself busy. But… the one time I couldn’t keep myself busy was lunchtime where everyone was “supposed” to sit with “their” clan.
I know many people have very, very, very hard times in high school but as I reflect I do wonder how many students felt the same anxiety everyday when the lunch bell rang - for the same exact reason.
Thankfully, I discovered the art room. My art teacher allowed and encouraged the seniors in AP art to come to the art room during lunch and I can’t put into words or begin to describe the feeling of immense comfort. I had a place. I had a place to be. AND this place was somewhere that I could create, pursue a passion, and feel accepted. I was able to get lost in the paint and not feel lost in dodging tables of tight groups of friends, who knew each other for years, unpacking their lunch bags and laughing at what they did over the weekend together. Having a place to be, meant that I began to eagerly anticipate that same exact lunch bell that I had dreaded for years before.
My Suggestion for a Solution
I think it would be wonderful to set aside some tables in the cafeteria with little “Reserved” signs and these tables would be for people who want to get to know other people!!! People who want to talk and enjoy good conversation and be there for others. Teachers or any staff members could sit there perhaps too! Maybe there are adults who feel the same way – or maybe there are members of the administration who want to connect more with the high schoolers? They could go sit at one of these tables once a week… exchange ideas, talk, laugh, learn… and feel comfortable because each person would sit at those tables by choice.
I can only assume that someone who considers suicide – would feel alone – perhaps emotionless, like nothing matters, and in every sense of the word – disconnected.
What if there was a space where people could go if they wanted to connect. Really what if there were places where people who just wanted to talk could go.
Or, what if there was a room in the high school dedicated to positivity. With so many stresses and so much negativity – what if there was a space in the school where perhaps art was done by students and music with positive lyrics sung by students would play, and where students could go to share their talents… and where tests, college-talk, and stereotypes were considered taboo topics. This would be a place where students could go to refresh, reflect, and breathe. How beautiful would that be? A place dedicated to happiness and to remember what life is really about.
Please Know: It’s not always the sad-looking student
High school is an awkward time for most people. And sometimes the people who from a distance look like everything is going well… have simply perfected putting a smile on their face (a mask of sorts) while holding in the rushing feeling of anxiety– every day at the same exact time – for me it was the lunch bell.
There were times I didn’t know who to talk to between classes, too. It seemed like everyone had their tight group of people near their lockers. I would just go into the bathroom when I didn’t know what to do to pass the time, which was quiet often. It became a safe place where I could talk with other girls waiting in line. Wouldn’t it be wonderful - if there was a room or a garden or a known place where people could go – if they had no other place to go? And this place would be dedicated to getting to know other students – no matter their social circles. Where people could go by choice – oh my gosh - I would have eaten that up. Instead, I wore a mask of a smile and walked the hallways in zigzag patterns so that I wouldn’t have to stand at my locker alone… I wonder how many of my classmates were weaving my school's hallways at the same time because they didn’t want to stand by themselves in front of their locker, all alone, and feel as though they had no place to be.
What Now?
School Leaders - Please make a table or two for students like me. It would be so easy. It would cost nothing. Simply put a “Reserved Table” sign up, make an announcement to make student aware, and allow students to take a seat, eat and meet.
School Leaders- Please make a room, a space for students to simply “be”. In this room there could be stationery to write to classmates and teachers. There could be a list of projects to sign up for/to volunteer for. There could be music by the school’s student musicians and art by the school’s student artists. There could be a compliment wall where students could leave anonymous compliments to others. There could be yoga mats. The possibilities are endless and the potential for making students’ days I believe is evident – which is exactly why every school should do it.
Please, give students a place to be.
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
