Class of 2011
Whether we show it or not, we all want to be cared about and supported
An important truth that more high school students need to know is that there are a multitude of respectable alternatives to going straight to a 4 year university after high school. And if you do plan to attend university straight out of high school, getting into the “best” one is not nearly as important as finding a positive environment for you. In high school, very few adults expressed this to me. It was foreign to the vast majority of my teachers and to my parents. Continuing with university in Virginia, I still saw few alternatives to this norm of pursuing college straight out of high school. Most of my classmates were just like me: still teenagers and from northern Virginia.
While studying abroad in Vancouver, Canada for the past year, I have been opened up to an incredibly diverse community. Among the students here, attending a 4 year university straight after high school is the exception, especially among students from Canada and Europe. Many of the amazingly brilliant students in my classes are in their mid-twenties and even 30 is not rare. These are people who have traveled the world, worked for a couple years, started school previously but didn’t finish, or attended community college and now feel ready to pursue higher education. Obviously there is a huge cultural difference between the community abroad and the environment I grew up with in Fairfax. But I think the competitive, rushed attitude in the United States and Northern Virginia in particular, is perpetuated by the price of a college education.
It is very hard to afford an education without help from parents, which creates a dependency. If we want to go to college, we have a strong incentive to do it on our parents’ terms, or we will suffer huge debts and stress. In Europe and Canada, the price of an education can much more easily be afforded by a student with a part-time job. This encourages students to do what they truly want with their lives. It imparts a sense of responsibility, maturity and personal sovereignty. I wish I had grown up in a culture that respected and trusted young people more. I think it’s important to expect maturity and hard work from young people, but we need to let them find their own path. We as a community may not be able to change the price of a college education, but we can change our perception of young people and our acceptance of alternate lifestyles as having worth and dignity.
Another cause for frustration, anxiety, and depression for my peers in high school was a lack of positive adult role models at home. My friends who struggled the most in high school had parents that were too absorbed in their own problems, going through divorce, very closed-minded, couldn’t support their children emotionally or financially, or were in some ways less mature than their own children. Parents may sometimes feel that their teenagers want nothing to do with them or could care less about what’s going on at home. I think that is rarely, if ever, the case. Whether we show it or not, we all want to be cared about and supported. Failing to get that from the people who should love you most in the world can be devastating.
Having other adult role models that try to connect with young people as mature human beings, relate to them on an emotional level, have the hard conversations, talk about self-respect, respect for others, and responsibility for our actions as a citizen of the world, these are people who can take a young person out of a negative cycle of thinking and open them up to the world. Role models like this can be hard to come by. Maybe we all need to take more time to pause from our daily routine, muster up some courage, and initiate more meaningful conversations with the people around us.
Finally, a comment on Fairfax. The suburbs are not the ideal environment for everyone. Personally, I have felt much more fulfilled elsewhere. I have enjoyed the connection to the land and self-sufficiency I gained while living in a rural setting. I have also thoroughly enjoyed living in a major city and finding a diversity of culture and opportunities all around me. The point is that sometimes we find ourselves ill-suited to, or simply uninspired and unfulfilled by the world around us. If young people are not introduced to other worlds, they may make the mistake of thinking they do not belong anywhere. That’s why I think it is very important to expose students to alternate settings, cultures, and lifestyles than the one they grew up in. Take students on field trips, introduce them to adults working in different fields and young people taking different paths. Talk about what comes next for them so they have something to look forward to and can imagine themselves living in a world that they enjoy.
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
Whether we show it or not, we all want to be cared about and supported
An important truth that more high school students need to know is that there are a multitude of respectable alternatives to going straight to a 4 year university after high school. And if you do plan to attend university straight out of high school, getting into the “best” one is not nearly as important as finding a positive environment for you. In high school, very few adults expressed this to me. It was foreign to the vast majority of my teachers and to my parents. Continuing with university in Virginia, I still saw few alternatives to this norm of pursuing college straight out of high school. Most of my classmates were just like me: still teenagers and from northern Virginia.
While studying abroad in Vancouver, Canada for the past year, I have been opened up to an incredibly diverse community. Among the students here, attending a 4 year university straight after high school is the exception, especially among students from Canada and Europe. Many of the amazingly brilliant students in my classes are in their mid-twenties and even 30 is not rare. These are people who have traveled the world, worked for a couple years, started school previously but didn’t finish, or attended community college and now feel ready to pursue higher education. Obviously there is a huge cultural difference between the community abroad and the environment I grew up with in Fairfax. But I think the competitive, rushed attitude in the United States and Northern Virginia in particular, is perpetuated by the price of a college education.
It is very hard to afford an education without help from parents, which creates a dependency. If we want to go to college, we have a strong incentive to do it on our parents’ terms, or we will suffer huge debts and stress. In Europe and Canada, the price of an education can much more easily be afforded by a student with a part-time job. This encourages students to do what they truly want with their lives. It imparts a sense of responsibility, maturity and personal sovereignty. I wish I had grown up in a culture that respected and trusted young people more. I think it’s important to expect maturity and hard work from young people, but we need to let them find their own path. We as a community may not be able to change the price of a college education, but we can change our perception of young people and our acceptance of alternate lifestyles as having worth and dignity.
Another cause for frustration, anxiety, and depression for my peers in high school was a lack of positive adult role models at home. My friends who struggled the most in high school had parents that were too absorbed in their own problems, going through divorce, very closed-minded, couldn’t support their children emotionally or financially, or were in some ways less mature than their own children. Parents may sometimes feel that their teenagers want nothing to do with them or could care less about what’s going on at home. I think that is rarely, if ever, the case. Whether we show it or not, we all want to be cared about and supported. Failing to get that from the people who should love you most in the world can be devastating.
Having other adult role models that try to connect with young people as mature human beings, relate to them on an emotional level, have the hard conversations, talk about self-respect, respect for others, and responsibility for our actions as a citizen of the world, these are people who can take a young person out of a negative cycle of thinking and open them up to the world. Role models like this can be hard to come by. Maybe we all need to take more time to pause from our daily routine, muster up some courage, and initiate more meaningful conversations with the people around us.
Finally, a comment on Fairfax. The suburbs are not the ideal environment for everyone. Personally, I have felt much more fulfilled elsewhere. I have enjoyed the connection to the land and self-sufficiency I gained while living in a rural setting. I have also thoroughly enjoyed living in a major city and finding a diversity of culture and opportunities all around me. The point is that sometimes we find ourselves ill-suited to, or simply uninspired and unfulfilled by the world around us. If young people are not introduced to other worlds, they may make the mistake of thinking they do not belong anywhere. That’s why I think it is very important to expose students to alternate settings, cultures, and lifestyles than the one they grew up in. Take students on field trips, introduce them to adults working in different fields and young people taking different paths. Talk about what comes next for them so they have something to look forward to and can imagine themselves living in a world that they enjoy.
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
