Class of 2005
Sometimes, all it takes is one voice, the right voice, to reach someone who might seem otherwise "unreachable."
I was lucky that my art teacher and I began our years at my local public high school in Northern Virginia at the same time. Coming from such a small Catholic elementary and middle school, I had a grand total of 3 friends in a sea of hundreds. For someone who came from a tight-knit group, being thrown into such a large high school was pretty terrifying. I had a hard time adjusting and making new friends. When no table in the cafeteria would take me, the only other option was in the hallway, on the floor. My teacher opened up her classroom and sacrificed her free period for me to have somewhere to eat. She may not have realized it but that actually was my saving grace my first year; it allowed me to connect with and make new friends over shared interests, rather than being thrown into the deep end without a life vest. Were it not for her guidance, advice and watchful eyes, I would have made it out of high school in one piece, but not with the grace I did and still become the man I am today.
It's not news that the pressures of high school are many and they are great. There's a reason so many TV shows and movies capitalize on their environments. What must be remembered though, is that Fairfax County schools harbor a very special group of kids. Kids who are not particularly special because of who they are but rather because of whom their parents are. Because of the social aspects of Fairfax County parents, kids have a very specific pressure to succeed. Parents go out of their way to move houses just so they can be in certain school districts before their little middle schooler heads to high school. I think it would prove beneficial to have very specific meetings with parents before their kids head to high school. When I started, I had a day-long orientation, but parents did not. It's true, most of the "high school experience" does fall on students to carry them but people forget that parents are right there with them. Most parents don't truly know what separates an AP class from an Honors class from a Mainstream class. They all want their kids to not only take the AP classes but also excel in them. This may be silly but there is an episode of Modern Family that does a great job of showcasing this. Claire, the mother, goes to her daughter's classes for back-to-school night and has to pick up all the books and take notes on what is actually expected to excel in these classes. With each class averaging 2 hours of homework a night, there is barely time for the student to actually be a functioning human, much less a normal, spastic teenager. Add after school sports and clubs to the mix and you're basically raising a hormonal robot. I feel like deep, in-depth conversations with parents prior to their students entering high school would be very, very beneficial. Expectations must be realistic and goals must be tangible to achieve success.
With that said, my extra-curricular activities were what fueled me on a daily basis to keep going. Learning new things in the art classes I took, spearheading and planning fundraisers, working on myself to get a faster time at the upcoming track meet…These things were what I decided to handle during my time in school. The thing to note is that they were MY decisions. Sure, my parents supported me but my father also wanted me on the soccer team. I tried out once, didn't enjoy it and I could tell he was disappointed. I told him that I liked the track people better and that I could have a team atmosphere, but push and compete against myself each day. He applauded that and within the first season, he was at every one of my meets. Sticking with it, I became one of the first runners to be a team captain in their junior year in the history of my school's track team. It took me a little while, but finding what I really liked to do as a part of school really allowed me to focus and flourish in everything else. I was no longer needing to spend time figuring out high school, I was simply living it, my own way.
Now, I'll throw a wrench into the equation: A big, rainbow-colored, closeted, gay wrench. I was relatively lucky in this, actually. My Catholic middle school had a Priest come in and explain Sex-Ed to us in 7th grade. Now, you'd think this would be the end of the world for a questioning little kid (especially because this was before gay became en vogue with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Will & Grace and Glee). Actually though, it wasn't bad at all. The Priest explained things in a very matter of fact way and did not insert religious influence into his description of gay, straight, or bi. He simply explained, "This is what gay is." There was no condemnation or subtle ridicule. I very clearly recall sitting in my little chair thinking, "Oh, well that's the one I am" end of story. High school can be a completely terrifying beast to kids who struggle with this. Kids can be cruel and by nature, people tend to target what seems to go against the "normal" grain. I didn't come out in high school because I was initially nervous of the potential outcomes. I was teased a bit my freshman year but in reality, it was likely because I seemed strange more than anything else. Once I got my footing and settled into school life a bit more, I was just "The Art Kid" and "The Track Captain". No one really bothered me after that.
Toward the end of my time in high school, I think my staying in the closet was less a result of fear and more a result of "I've got too much sh*t going on to worry about dating at all, much less coming out and trying to find a boy to date." And really, without someone to date right away, being a gay high school student had no appeal to me. I wasn't ready. I knew myself well enough to know I wouldn't have handled my own transition well and I didn't want to mess up the other things I had going for me. After all, it's not like my school had communal after-gym showers to worry about like in the movies. It was a relatively safe environment. To this point, most of my hardships with being gay took place my freshman year of college. Every single one of those hardships were personal and not brought on by outsiders. I think most of my personal growth happened in college and I became more of who I am now, but a lot of that stemmed from the relationships I had and how I related to my parents. I got through those because of the solid foundation that I had built during high school.
One thing I think might help a bit with that last point is to have more alumni visit high schools. I always enjoyed hearing from my Art teacher's former students and equally enjoyed being one of those former students. Whether it was hearing about college life in general, how their art had progressed, what they were doing for work... All of those things reinforce that there is life after high school. If there were more insight into the real world, many kids might feel a sense of relief. It might be quiet and private but who knows, maybe it would be just enough to help them through it. High school students can easily get back into their own heads; if there were some sort of alumni program for regular visits, I think that would be very beneficial. It would also give students new contacts to reach out to with questions and concerns. Contacts who are not in their normal, day-to-day network and whom they might be able to go to in confidence. Having many students participate in this type of program would also allow for students to hear about topics running the gamut of what they might be dealing with or going through. Sometimes, all it takes is one voice, the right voice, to reach someone who might seem otherwise "unreachable."
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
Sometimes, all it takes is one voice, the right voice, to reach someone who might seem otherwise "unreachable."
I was lucky that my art teacher and I began our years at my local public high school in Northern Virginia at the same time. Coming from such a small Catholic elementary and middle school, I had a grand total of 3 friends in a sea of hundreds. For someone who came from a tight-knit group, being thrown into such a large high school was pretty terrifying. I had a hard time adjusting and making new friends. When no table in the cafeteria would take me, the only other option was in the hallway, on the floor. My teacher opened up her classroom and sacrificed her free period for me to have somewhere to eat. She may not have realized it but that actually was my saving grace my first year; it allowed me to connect with and make new friends over shared interests, rather than being thrown into the deep end without a life vest. Were it not for her guidance, advice and watchful eyes, I would have made it out of high school in one piece, but not with the grace I did and still become the man I am today.
It's not news that the pressures of high school are many and they are great. There's a reason so many TV shows and movies capitalize on their environments. What must be remembered though, is that Fairfax County schools harbor a very special group of kids. Kids who are not particularly special because of who they are but rather because of whom their parents are. Because of the social aspects of Fairfax County parents, kids have a very specific pressure to succeed. Parents go out of their way to move houses just so they can be in certain school districts before their little middle schooler heads to high school. I think it would prove beneficial to have very specific meetings with parents before their kids head to high school. When I started, I had a day-long orientation, but parents did not. It's true, most of the "high school experience" does fall on students to carry them but people forget that parents are right there with them. Most parents don't truly know what separates an AP class from an Honors class from a Mainstream class. They all want their kids to not only take the AP classes but also excel in them. This may be silly but there is an episode of Modern Family that does a great job of showcasing this. Claire, the mother, goes to her daughter's classes for back-to-school night and has to pick up all the books and take notes on what is actually expected to excel in these classes. With each class averaging 2 hours of homework a night, there is barely time for the student to actually be a functioning human, much less a normal, spastic teenager. Add after school sports and clubs to the mix and you're basically raising a hormonal robot. I feel like deep, in-depth conversations with parents prior to their students entering high school would be very, very beneficial. Expectations must be realistic and goals must be tangible to achieve success.
With that said, my extra-curricular activities were what fueled me on a daily basis to keep going. Learning new things in the art classes I took, spearheading and planning fundraisers, working on myself to get a faster time at the upcoming track meet…These things were what I decided to handle during my time in school. The thing to note is that they were MY decisions. Sure, my parents supported me but my father also wanted me on the soccer team. I tried out once, didn't enjoy it and I could tell he was disappointed. I told him that I liked the track people better and that I could have a team atmosphere, but push and compete against myself each day. He applauded that and within the first season, he was at every one of my meets. Sticking with it, I became one of the first runners to be a team captain in their junior year in the history of my school's track team. It took me a little while, but finding what I really liked to do as a part of school really allowed me to focus and flourish in everything else. I was no longer needing to spend time figuring out high school, I was simply living it, my own way.
Now, I'll throw a wrench into the equation: A big, rainbow-colored, closeted, gay wrench. I was relatively lucky in this, actually. My Catholic middle school had a Priest come in and explain Sex-Ed to us in 7th grade. Now, you'd think this would be the end of the world for a questioning little kid (especially because this was before gay became en vogue with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Will & Grace and Glee). Actually though, it wasn't bad at all. The Priest explained things in a very matter of fact way and did not insert religious influence into his description of gay, straight, or bi. He simply explained, "This is what gay is." There was no condemnation or subtle ridicule. I very clearly recall sitting in my little chair thinking, "Oh, well that's the one I am" end of story. High school can be a completely terrifying beast to kids who struggle with this. Kids can be cruel and by nature, people tend to target what seems to go against the "normal" grain. I didn't come out in high school because I was initially nervous of the potential outcomes. I was teased a bit my freshman year but in reality, it was likely because I seemed strange more than anything else. Once I got my footing and settled into school life a bit more, I was just "The Art Kid" and "The Track Captain". No one really bothered me after that.
Toward the end of my time in high school, I think my staying in the closet was less a result of fear and more a result of "I've got too much sh*t going on to worry about dating at all, much less coming out and trying to find a boy to date." And really, without someone to date right away, being a gay high school student had no appeal to me. I wasn't ready. I knew myself well enough to know I wouldn't have handled my own transition well and I didn't want to mess up the other things I had going for me. After all, it's not like my school had communal after-gym showers to worry about like in the movies. It was a relatively safe environment. To this point, most of my hardships with being gay took place my freshman year of college. Every single one of those hardships were personal and not brought on by outsiders. I think most of my personal growth happened in college and I became more of who I am now, but a lot of that stemmed from the relationships I had and how I related to my parents. I got through those because of the solid foundation that I had built during high school.
One thing I think might help a bit with that last point is to have more alumni visit high schools. I always enjoyed hearing from my Art teacher's former students and equally enjoyed being one of those former students. Whether it was hearing about college life in general, how their art had progressed, what they were doing for work... All of those things reinforce that there is life after high school. If there were more insight into the real world, many kids might feel a sense of relief. It might be quiet and private but who knows, maybe it would be just enough to help them through it. High school students can easily get back into their own heads; if there were some sort of alumni program for regular visits, I think that would be very beneficial. It would also give students new contacts to reach out to with questions and concerns. Contacts who are not in their normal, day-to-day network and whom they might be able to go to in confidence. Having many students participate in this type of program would also allow for students to hear about topics running the gamut of what they might be dealing with or going through. Sometimes, all it takes is one voice, the right voice, to reach someone who might seem otherwise "unreachable."
You are not alone. Together we can be resilient. However, this website is not to be used in place of therapy or other forms of help. Non-judgmental help is available 24-7: Call Crisis Link at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Text with a Crisis Text Line specialist, by texting “TALK” to 741-741. (You can also go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.)
You can also chat online with a specialist at CrisisChat.org (between 2pm and 2am) or ImAlive.org. Many other links to various types of assistance are also available on our RESOURCES page. Help is out there. Reach out, for yourself, or for someone else.
